30+ Funny Birthday Wishes, Messages, and Cards

The process of choosing the right birthday card is only half the job and now you must come up with something fun to write on it. We’ve looked up the internet and even scanned for our own cards, and looked through hundreds of suggestions to provide you with an assortment of the 69 best things you could write on the card. From the offensive and rude to light-hearted and funny messages, just pick your favorite and then pass the card off as your personal. You’re welcome!

General Funny Birthday Wishes

1. I try to limit my spending when it comes to birthday gifts, in accordance with what the person got me for a present for my birthday. Take advantage of your gift of nothing. A happy birthday wishes to one of the very few people whose birthdays I recall without the need for a Facebook reminder.
3. Don’t think about the past because you cannot change it. Don’t think about the future, you won’t be able to forecast it. Don’t think about the present, I didn’t buy you a present.
4. Let your Facebook walls be full of birthday wishes from friends whom you’ve never met or seen for a long time or simply don’t even care about.
5. If you are celebrating your birthday, do not forget to make goals that are unattainable and then spend the rest of the year attempting to construct a rocket achieve them.
6. You’re an extremely difficult person to find… that’s why I didn’t purchase anything for you. Happy Birthday!
7. A very happy birthday wishes to the one person I’d want to save in the case of a zombie-apocalypse.
8. If you were Jesus Today could be the day of Christmas!
9. Good looking, smart and amusing. That’s enough about me. Happy Birthday!
10. It has been scientifically established that those with more birthdays are healthier.
11. Okay, let’s make you so drunk you believe it’s my birthday . You’ll be buying me drinks throughout the night
12. Happy Birthday! Are you sure we used to believe that the people of our age were mature and had their lives in order?
13. Congrats on turning a little older!
14. You’re doing a great job – you’ve survived for many years!

1. 1. To a truly amazing friend for their birthday. My only regret is not having met you sooner , so I could have irritated you more. Happy Birthday!
   2. Your birthday party is now an extremely fire risk. Bloss out the candles! Quick! Oh, and Happy Birthday!
   3. Thank you for being a dear acquaintance of mine. In the present time and age, they are more difficult to come by than toilet paper, so you must certainly feel proud!
   4. Happy Birthday! I was planning on getting you a drink, but with the current times I decided to use hand sanitizer more suitable. Be healthy and stay healthy!
   5. For your special day, I’ve sent you a truly gracious present. It’s the ghost hug! It’s not tangible but it’s definitely there! Happy Birthday!
   6. It’s not common to see anyone older than 16! From an extended distance, I keep my eyes shut. Happy Birthday!
   7. I wish you the best birthday, with all of my heart! (Why do I have to use the phrase “with all my heart” since my butt is larger.)

Short Funny Birthday Wishes

1. Older? Definitely. Wiser? …mmm debatable. Happy Birthday!
2. Happy Birthday! You’re not looking any younger than dirt!
3. The birthday of your child is the perfect reason to party on a workday. Bottoms up!
4. Good looking, smart and fun! That’s enough about me. Happy Birthday!
5. True friends will remember your birthday however, not necessarily your age.
6. Happy Birthday. I hope that your birthday is as wonderful as your butt ? ?
7. Do not grow up! It’s an enticement. Happy Birthday!
8. I’d offer the last piece of chicken. It’s a great way to say something. Happy Birthday!
9. You may be prehistoric but at least you’re not extinct! Happy Birthday!
10. Happy Birthday! Super glad you were born.
11. It’s amazing that my crazy actually connects with your bizarre. Happy Birthday!
12. If you could be my Uber driver, then I’d rate you 5 stars. Happy Birthday!
13. I’m getting old-fashioned! It’s only you. Happy Birthday!
14. Wow, how are your growing older and getting birthdays! You look great as an adult Do you know what I mean? ?

Funny Birthday Wishes for Her

1. A few tips for your birthday celebration, there can be no shame playing playing the Botox game. Happy Birthday!
2. For your birthday, I decided to share some little secrets.
3. A moment you’re young and lively. Next, you’ve got an unpopular burner in the kitchen. I’m sure we all are aware of which one the one you are…Happy birthday!
4. You’re invited to cry if you’d like to. However, I would not recommend it. Your makeup will be ruined, and we’ll take a lot of photos this evening. Happy Birthday!
5. An easy reminder for your day of celebration… good-mannered women rarely have a chance to make history. This year, let’s get more crazy! Happy Birthday!
6. It is sometimes referred to as grounds for a stay at the mental hospital. We refer to it as your special sparkle ???? Happy Birthday!
7. If we had been living the time of Salem around 1692 you’d be to be a witch. As would I. That’s the reason we like to click so much. Happy birthday , witchy!
8. I only hope to be as beautiful woman as you some day. However, I’m sure with more stylish clothes. Happy Birthday!
9. Here’s another year of ambiguous life choices! Happy birthday queen ???? !
10. Happy birthday to an old lady who is still able to have fun! You’re awesome! ??? ?
11. A friend who is like you is like a great bra that is supportive, difficult to locate, and constantly being the last to get me off my nerve. However, it’s impossible to live without them. Happy Birthday!
12. A woman isn’t allowed to reveal her…um… years of age. That’s right. Happy Birthday, Lady!
13. Thank goodness I found you! Since, to be honest I’m sure we have a feeling that you would not be able to locate glasses, if there were placed on your face, girly. Happy Birthday!
14. A Happy Birthday to one amazing girl to another!